Baby Proofing Intimidates My Dad Skills, and Design Sense


I think I need to go back to college or at least some handyman vocational school to baby-proof my house. My daughter has been “cruising” all over the place recently like some wall monkey. One second she’s babbling near my leg leg, the next she’s opening the knife drawer. We bought these stylish inconspicuous cupboard magnets called “Tot-Lok” to install on all the drawers (these puppies don’t come cheap either!) - I didn’t want ugly plastic things hanging around kitchen – these things are hidden and give the impression that we haven’t given into the bad-ugly baby stuff. Very important to me as a designer; because we know people (good people too) who have “given in” to the Fisher-Price’s home furnishing department…and quite frankly, I don’t want to go there.

My wife bought this stuff 3 weeks ago, and it’s still sitting on the counter. In a bag, with one package opened and half torn ripped, crumbled instructions. Have you seen these instructions? Take a look. I’ve read them 8 times and still don’t understand the paper-strip installation guide, let alone drilling 3/16 within some drill depth gauge, plunger (?)... What the heck?
Let me explain my "dad-skills" – I’ve installed ceiling fans, crown molding, surround sound with “millions and millions” of wires, toilet flow flush valve thing-a-ma-jig, freakin’ router with Wi-Fi security access (and that wasn’t easy!), but I can’t install a baby lock!! What’s wrong with this world?!
I called their specialist and he recommended hiring a professional installer. My response…

Me: You’re kidding me right…For baby locks?
“The Specialist”: Sir, just read the instructions, it's not hard.
Me: What? Now we’re married!?

(I didn't actually say the last part)

Right now we have rubber bands around the cupboard knobs. I think we used rope for entertainment cabinet. I won’t give in to Fisher-Price or plastic ugly things...at least not until I figure out what the professional installers charge per hour…