Everyday Phrases I Now Use, That I Never Would Have Used, Before Becoming A Parent:

Is she constipated?

I think I see Poop, or liquid, coming out of her skirt/pants/shorts

Smell her butt. I smelled it and I think it has crap in it.

Look in her nose; I think it's stuck way up in there.

Are you sure it should be that color?

Take a look; it has mustard seeds in it?

I don't remember feeding her this.

Guess where I found this shiny penny!

Was that a fart or a burp?

Stop calling that strange man "Dada".

How did that defy gravity?

What's she chewing on?

Put your finger in there and pull it out.

Is that a rash?

On a scale of 1 to 10, this one is a 30.

Check her butt.

I have Poo on my hands again.

Are you sure a thermometer goes there?

I forgot to put Butt Paste on this time.

“Cute”, “Adorable”, “Sweet”