Yes, and in 8 languages too. My old electric sharpener at work died after 6 years of dedicated service. Today I finally got my replacement, and it came with instructions. Like a dork, thinking it had some special magical powers like bill pay, I read them:1. Insert plug in nearest outlet.
2. Insert pencil into the opening (oh, so that’s where it goes..?) Motor will start.
3. Remove sharpened pencil.
Save these instructions for future reference. (Recycle logo)
When I’m an Old and Can't Smell My Cologne Anymore
I was tagged by Mamalee for this.When I am an old, I hope to:
1. Have Robotic parts that allow me to finally crush beer cans in my hand. Or at least on my steel forehead.
2. Have a walking cane with a brass goose head (which removes to reveal a flask) and has a retractable knife at the bottom to scare away rowdy teenagers.
3. To be addressed as "Dr." or "old wise one" to friends, family and strangers. And only as "The Punisher" to enemies.
4. Have lots of grandkids who will want to visit me (the "Dr.") for my ability to make balloon animals, perform magic tricks, and to hear my heroric War stories (of wars I was never in.)
When I am an old, I will not:
1. Still never buy credit card protection insurance.
2. Use a wheelchair or one of those "little rascal" motor chairs (...unless it fly's)
3. Start complaining about the government (I can do that now)
4. Use my magic and balloon making powers for evil. EVER!
Invisalign Update
I’ve promised a few of you awhile back for an update on my Invisalign experience (or as I like to call it “ma’ grillzs.....ahhhh yeeeah!" *big grin*)I’m on week 10 and I think they’re working. They must be because every time I put in a new aligner it hurts for the first two days (nothing a little Motrin and some Vodka won't fix.) The upside so far:
1. It’s working
2. Aligners don’t affect my “speech” anymore.
3. Can’t really tell they’re there anymore.
Downside:
1. Eating is a pain; in fact I recommend these for weight loss because you really have to think about snacking (is it really worth the trouble of taking them out and then cleaning the teeth, again and again.)
2. The 'tooth sanding'. The dentist sands in-between the teeth so they can move- very weird.
3. The first week - getting use to taking them on and off without sheer pain. After a week it's no problem anymore.
So far, until “lasers”, yoga, or David Copperfield can correct teeth - they're by far the best choice without looking like a dork in your 30's with a metal mouth.
Just another guy named “Tony” at the Italian festival
Yup, that was me on Saturday at a local Italian festival. I wanted to introduce my daughter to a little family heritage (the 1/4th of me that’s Italian; 1/8 in her…does that even mean anything anymore these days?) I’m probably better off just taking her to Italy or maybe Disney's Epcot because Italian heritage in L.A. is pretty sad.The "festival" was very ghetto, they didn’t even serve any Chianti (only Australian Yellowtail? What's up with that!?) The pizza could be mistaken for Pizza Hut and the sandwiches resembled Subway. And don’t even get me started on the Gelato – they had “basic” flavors like strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate – that's not real Gelato! Where's Amaretto or Hazelnut? My grandmother would have slapped everybody and made them all do push-ups.
Fiji vacation begins Friday night (meca leca hi, meka hiney ho!)
We leave for Fiji and I couldn’t be more thrilled. The wife and I desperately need a vacation away from work and our normal "groundhog day" routine. I’m just going to sit on a beach, eat, drink, sketch, and watch my daughter play in the sand with endangered turtles. (I mean seriously... what kid wouldn’t want to play with endangered turtles, right?)
I am taking my laptop; apparently private islands have Wi-Fi now, so I may end up posting pictures of things like island villagers, beaches, and us painting endangered turtles. Or I may not, and just sleep (you can do that kind of thing on vacation without getting fired.)