A Message to Toddlers: Nose Picking Is Very Unpatriotic!

Can somebody please tell me why toddlers are so obsessed with picking their nose? Because I’ve been trying to figure it out since my daughter mysteriously figured out she can shove her fingers up there at the most undesirable times, like when I’m eating pea soup or guacamole.

And trust me, this is not good dining entertainment.

So far, I’ve come up with a few theories that might have caused this behavior:

1. She’s watched seniors do it. Which only proves my theory that seniors are bad influences on children!
2. Elmo probably sang about it. That’s what I get for trusting a puppet that speaks about himself in the third person.
3. Rap music. I’m pretty sure they glorify nosepickin’ along with pimpin’.

Now I’m not on a mission to stop this behavior.

The wife has her own methods to stop the digging – which is just to gently move her hand and telling her to stop. I’ve taken it a step further, reinforcing my parenting technique of giving an explanation of consequences along with the discipline.

What to tell a nose picking toddler:

1. If you keep picking your nose, you’ll eventually pick your brain out.
2. Stop picking your nose or nobody will be your friend, even Elmo.
3. Every time you pick your nose, a Fairy dies.
4. Snow White isn’t coming over to play; she doesn’t want your boogers all over her pretty dress.
5. Picking your nose produces harmful emissions that contribute to global warming and rising sea levels that will make millions of polar bears instantly homeless and eventually die. I don’t think you want start kindergarten with that kind of baggage.

And to help the cause, here’s a nose picking coloring page. Because everybody knows kids learn better when they color pictures of animals.

Please Stop Picking Your Nose. I Don’t Want To Die.

And Don’t Forget To Empty The Gas from Mommy’s Minivan.