I know my daughter’s only 2 and kindergarten seems far away, but that doesn’t matter, because today I spoke with a worried, stressed out father about his 4-year old daughter's recent kindergarten interview.
And let me just say - it did not go well. They told her (not him) that she needed to work MUCH harder if she wanted to get in this Fall.
A 4-year-old.
Into kindergarten.
To be a somewhat fair, this is a ‘prestigious’ private school here in L.A. But who cares - it’s kindergarten for crying out loud! It’s not like she can’t spell her name, count, say her ABC’s, etc., she can. But evidently that doesn’t cut it anymore. Apparently the marketplace is flooded with 4-year olds that can debate strategic economics over Cheerios and discuss the recent downturn in the housing market after waking up from an afternoon nap.
It’s as if the world change and I was asleep at the wheel. How naive I was to think that kindergarten was a time of having fun doing things like painting, playing, making weird crafts out of egg cartons, milk bottles, and daddy’s empty beer cans? (puff of cigarette) It was when I was a kid.
Statistically I should be in jail, or worse, involved in multi-level marketing.
I don’t want my daughter to fall into this trap. I want her to succeed in kindergarten because if she doesn’t, God only knows the horrible things that might happen.
Hopefully with some prepping and training, it’ll go something like this:
Head Mistress: What was your GMAT score?
4-Year-Old: 680. I could have done better, but I poop regularly 20 minutes after eating a meal.
Head Mistress: What do you plan to do after kindergarten?
4-Year-Old: Take a year off before 1st grade to join the Peace Corps.
Head Mistress: What extracurricular activities do you participate in that will be beneficial to your learning?
4-Year-Old: I’m currently at Gymboree. I help mentor the 3-year olds.
Head Mistress: Whom do you most admire for their life endeavors and accomplishments?
4-Year-Old: Snow White. She has a pretty dress. And I hear she helped unionized poor midgets and improved their working conditions.