Random Thoughts Just Before Vacation...

Pencil sharpeners come with instructions?
Yes, and in 8 languages too. My old electric sharpener at work died after 6 years of dedicated service. Today I finally got my replacement, and it came with instructions. Like a dork, thinking it had some special magical powers like bill pay, I read them:
1. Insert plug in nearest outlet.
2. Insert pencil into the opening (oh, so that’s where it goes..?) Motor will start.
3. Remove sharpened pencil.
Save these instructions for future reference. (Recycle logo)


When I’m an Old and Can't Smell My Cologne Anymore
I was tagged by Mamalee for this.
When I am an old, I hope to:
1. Have Robotic parts that allow me to finally crush beer cans in my hand. Or at least on my steel forehead.
2. Have a walking cane with a brass goose head (which removes to reveal a flask) and has a retractable knife at the bottom to scare away rowdy teenagers.
3. To be addressed as "Dr." or "old wise one" to friends, family and strangers. And only as "The Punisher" to enemies.
4. Have lots of grandkids who will want to visit me (the "Dr.") for my ability to make balloon animals, perform magic tricks, and to hear my heroric War stories (of wars I was never in.)

When I am an old, I will not:
1. Still never buy credit card protection insurance.
2. Use a wheelchair or one of those "little rascal" motor chairs (...unless it fly's)
3. Start complaining about the government (I can do that now)
4. Use my magic and balloon making powers for evil. EVER!

Invisalign Update
I’ve promised a few of you awhile back for an update on my Invisalign experience (or as I like to call it “ma’ grillzs.....ahhhh yeeeah!" *big grin*)
I’m on week 10 and I think they’re working. They must be because every time I put in a new aligner it hurts for the first two days (nothing a little Motrin and some Vodka won't fix.) The upside so far:
1. It’s working
2. Aligners don’t affect my “speech” anymore.
3. Can’t really tell they’re there anymore.

Downside:
1. Eating is a pain; in fact I recommend these for weight loss because you really have to think about snacking (is it really worth the trouble of taking them out and then cleaning the teeth, again and again.)
2. The 'tooth sanding'. The dentist sands in-between the teeth so they can move- very weird.
3. The first week - getting use to taking them on and off without sheer pain. After a week it's no problem anymore.
So far, until “lasers”, yoga, or David Copperfield can correct teeth - they're by far the best choice without looking like a dork in your 30's with a metal mouth.

Just another guy named “Tony” at the Italian festival
Yup, that was me on Saturday at a local Italian festival. I wanted to introduce my daughter to a little family heritage (the 1/4th of me that’s Italian; 1/8 in her…does that even mean anything anymore these days?) I’m probably better off just taking her to Italy or maybe Disney's Epcot because Italian heritage in L.A. is pretty sad.
The "festival" was very ghetto, they didn’t even serve any Chianti (only Australian Yellowtail? What's up with that!?) The pizza could be mistaken for Pizza Hut and the sandwiches resembled Subway. And don’t even get me started on the Gelato – they had “basic” flavors like strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate – that's not real Gelato! Where's Amaretto or Hazelnut? My grandmother would have slapped everybody and made them all do push-ups.

Fiji vacation begins Friday night (meca leca hi, meka hiney ho!)

We leave for Fiji and I couldn’t be more thrilled. The wife and I desperately need a vacation away from work and our normal "groundhog day" routine. I’m just going to sit on a beach, eat, drink, sketch, and watch my daughter play in the sand with endangered turtles. (I mean seriously... what kid wouldn’t want to play with endangered turtles, right?)
I am taking my laptop; apparently private islands have Wi-Fi now, so I may end up posting pictures of things like island villagers, beaches, and us painting endangered turtles. Or I may not, and just sleep (you can do that kind of thing on vacation without getting fired.)

I Pity Da' Fool, Who Don’t Know Mr. T! AND Could It Be More Obvious That OJ Did It??

Most of you who have been reading my blog awhile know that I teach an advanced drawing class to High School kids, 15-17, once a week at an ‘Arts’ school. I’ve been doing this for over 3 years now and nearly every week I go through some type of inner battle - I either loving teaching, or hate it. In the end, at least most of the time, I convince myself it’s "in the trenches" experience with today’s youth (or as Tony Danza would say ‘yout’) – listening and talking with them is a real eye-opener preparing me for when my daughter gets older. And also learning new things about their view of the world as I work full-time in the entertainment industry creating stuff for them and their younger siblings. Oh and sometimes I even get some really talented kid, extremely motivated, who moves on to some ivy league of Art Schools (not the kind that only require you to draw a Pirate or Turtle and show up with a fat check.)

So recently while the kids were doing portraits of each other; I was critiquing art and said something like “I pity the fool!”. All of the kids looked at me like I was on crack, not for making odd comments (I do that all the time) but the blank looks told me they didn’t know who I was referencing. When I said, “don’t you guys know who Mr. T is? You know big black dude, "B.A.", with gold chains, Mohawk, jean vest….’The T’??…(silence).... He fought Rocky!?” – they all gave me blank stares. A minute went by and one of the kids raised his hand – “Is he a rapper?”

It then dawned on me that moment that I’m old. Really old, and I’m not even 35 yet. So old that these kids probably don’t even get any reference to “George Glass”, “What Chou Talkin’ bout”, “Whoa!” or possibly even “Screech”. I remember teachers growing up making references to old shows like “Kojack”, and "Rhoda", sure they were “old people” shows like “Murder She Wrote”, but I at least I heard of them.
These kids haven’t and when you think about it, on average they were born around 1991 (I still have clothes in my closet from 1991!)

But instead of getting ‘all-weird’ about it, I’m looking at this from a different point of view - I’m still making my 80’s references because I don’t care. These kids can go home and ask their aging parents. Or they can look it up in the Dictionary or Encyclopedia Britannica.

Freakin' A!!! Could It Be More Obvious That OJ Did It??

Have you heard about this? O.J. Simpson is doing that interview talking about “how he would have committed” the murders of Nicole and her friend. This has to be the sickest thing I’ve heard in a long time; I literally became angry when I read this. I can’t even believe this guy has the nerve or Fox for even considering this! If I were the family of Nicole or Goldman I seriously would be making O.J.’s life hell – nobody would be living a life of luxury if this happened to my family.
I remember being a juror at the downtown L.A. criminal courthouse in 1998 (a murder trial, where a black woman murderer her 3 year old son) and the defense attorney had the audacity to tell us jurors that we should “remember that the L.A.P.D. has a history of fabricating evidence against colored people” and then made a lot of references to O.J.’s case (duh, diversion from the murder?). I was literally disgusted! And I wasn’t the only one, two older black women in the jury room were horrified saying, “she was trying to pull a Johnny Cochran” and thought the defense attorney should be sent to prison, or live with O.J.