FREE Last Minute Classroom Valentines That Provide a Service

While helping my daughter put together her classroom Valentines for school, I realized how unimportant and irrelevant the cards were: “Happy Valentines day”, “Bee My Valentine”, “It’s Valentines day!” They really don’t mean much and aren’t at all practical.

Why not give classroom Valentines that gives kids real useful advice; life skills that they can use today or when they get older.

I sure would have appreciated some good advice while in preschool.

So with that in mind, here are some useful Valentines Day cards I put together as a public service to all (click to print):

"The goal is to pay your credit card off each month - Happy Valentines Day!"
"Never attend anything that involves a timeshare or "business opportunity." - Happy Valentines Day!"
"Team Jacob or Team Edward? In 5 years it won't matter. - Happy Valentines Day!"
"If Dad does like him, he must be wrong for you.- Happy Valentines Day!"

"Don’t visit Tijuana.- Happy Valentines Day!"
"Love is a battlefield.- Happy Valentines Day!"
"Always wash your hands after using the bathroom or visiting any government building.- Happy Valentines Day!"
"You should never drop it like it's hot.- Happy Valentines Day!"

Now I Know What Willis Was "talkin' bout"...

Weird Searches
I find it odd what people search for on the internet. I find it even more odd that some of these searches end up here. Here are some recent ones with added commentary:

does michael bolton own starbucks? -- Yes!
what's wrong with my toddler? -- He/she's probably broken. If you still have the receipt - take him/her back...you still might get store credit.
tony danza's meatballs -– There are some truly disgusting people out there.
is chef boyardee meat real? – Depends on your definition of "real"?
i drank my wife's breast milk yesterday – Why is it these searches always come from Malaysia? Ohio I can expect, but Malaysia?
creative way to tell husband that you are expecting –- Tell him you were impregnated by aliens
my name is poop – Ok...
do truck drivers wear diapers – Yes!
is chuck e cheese ok for 2 year olds? Yes! It’s just not O.K. for adults.
wierdest thig about lionel ritchie -- the mustache. And he dances on the ceiling.
peeing through an ice cream cone -- I've never tried...

KFC Valentine – Because chicken isn’t the only thing that’s spicy
I was once told that on Valentines day, the Japanese forgo expensive restaurants, flowers, chocolate, jewelry, talking, etc. and just stop by the local KFC on the way home before turning on the Barry White Greatest Hits CD and filling the bathtub with Jell-O.
When I first heard that story, I couldn’t help to think, “now that’s a tradition worth starting in this country.” And because Jell-O’s involved, I’m sure our friends up in Canada wouldn’t mind joining in the festivities too.

Here's something to help kick-off this centuries old Japanese tradition:

"Baby, you do chicken right. Happy Valentine's Day"

What Guys Want On Valentines Day And Parental Valentine Preschool Pressure

What do the women want today? $80 Flowers (that normally go for $12 any other day, like tomorrow, but we buy anyway), romantic poems (thank God for the internet), expensive jewelry (that doesn't have ‘cubic’ in the name), flat-screen plasma TV in the bathroom (well, not really, that’s just a really cool idea...)
Men are easy. We just want the women to show up naked with food – preferably a bucket of KFC (the 'spicy' kind.)
I actually created something sentimental for my wife today, which took some time to make and I can't reveal just in case she reads this.


Today a co-worker came into work a few hours late looking like her car exploded with her in it. She’s a fellow parent with 2 kids, one about the same age as my daughter and a son who is 3 or 4.
When she took her son to preschool this morning one of the teachers had asked, “Where are his Valentines? All of the kids NEED to bring Valentines for everybody…”
Nobody said anything, no warning note, nothing (she skipped that chapter in the handbook, the one on "Valentines for preschoolers".) She then grabbed her son, got into the car and headed to the local Walgreens where the only Valentines left were Care-Bears and Dora (her son wanted Spider-Man and cried because they were out or they don't exist.) She then spent some time writing all the kids names on the cards (all 40-something) in the parking lot of the preschool. When she showed up with her crying son there were other parents walking in with fancy little hand-tied bags of candies and cookies with little homemade cards, along with fancy gifts (flowers, baskets, Versace bags, etc.) for the teachers and assistants.

When she was finished I said:
“When your kid is in prison at 17, it’s because of this.”
And then handed her a handmade goodie bag of truffles and filet mignon (...I wish.) I am not looking forward to 'the school' years.