The Father’s Day Conspiracy

Why do people hate Father’s? The TV, Stores, Magazines, Organizations, Advertisers, America, Cats -- just about everybody.

It’s not difficult to notice that for Mother’s Day the entire month of May is devoted to ‘Mom’. There are pastel posters everywhere with all kinds of slogans, special commercials with fancy jingles, charity walks with celebrities raising money for all kinds of women causes. And who can escape the ads for gift suggestions:

• $10 Talking Greeting Cards
• Flowers with fruit in the vases
  
• Shopping gift cards
• $70 Champagne Brunches
• Jewelry
• Engraved anything
• Custom memory books
• Spa Makeovers
• Getaway Trips without husband/kids/anybody remotely related
• Lexus

In comparison some of ads I’ve seen for Father’s Day gift suggestions this year:

• Garage Floor Coating
• Kitchen Cabinet Refinishing
• Search and Rescue Headlamps
• Outdoor Storage Shed
• Whole House Air Duct Cleaning
• Free beer for Dad with purchase of 3 lunch entrees and 3 drinks
• Car Wash and Detail Kit (for Mom’s Lexus I guess…)

Huh?

Maybe by the end of the week they’ll be suggesting things like gas cards as the perfect Father’s Day gift.

It really is much simpler than that – I would be perfectly happy going on a family outing to my favorite eating place, taking a long uninterrupted nap, and getting some hand-made art that I can hang up at work with a note saying that if she becomes the first woman president it's all because of me.
And if I happen to get a floating waterproof table tennis, or a beer holster - that would be nice too.

And Open Letter to Lionel Richie

Dear Lionel Richie (great singer/songwriter of countless love songs including “Brick House”),

My daughter began ballet class today. Your song "Ballerina Girl" now makes sense.

Fellow sappy father,
Tony


While watching my daughter dancing around looking like an adorable little doll, Lionel’s song (Ballerina Girl, not Dancing on the Ceiling) suddenly jumped into my head. Later, the wife had informed me of the video featuring a Dad and his daughter - I investigated and saw something very creepy: That Dad in the video resembled somebody very familiar…

(Now where do I get a harp that glows with neon colors?)

Yup, that was me. Minus the ugly blue sweater and cool man-perm hair. But add a digital camera, video camera, and excessive smiling and waving, and you wouldn't know the difference. I can just imagine how ridiculous I’ve must of looked to the other parents, which happened to be all moms.
By the way, “Brick House” makes sense now too.

For Inquiring Minds – My Father’s Day Update

I did end up getting a nice little BBQ. Regrettably there was no Playstation 3, Xbox, Porsche, Italian-speaking parrot, or slave girl Princess Leia attached.

Although, the wife did break out a bucket of chicken, the spicy kind, while my daughter yelled out “SURPRISE!! Happy Birthday Daddy!!!”

Then we all ate, and I got to take a long nap. It was the best birthday ever.

Random Thoughts For Tuesday

For the 1,00oth Time - I Never Tried The Breastmilk!
Why is this the only question I get from soon-to-be new Dads when their wife isn't around? Not questions about sleep, diapers, what is an appropriate age for Chuck E Cheese, etc. I hope this isn't a question I just get - because that would be really weird.
And to answer the question: I only know of one guy that did this - he was out of creamer for his coffee (that still gives me the chills!)

Father's Day 2007 Has Come and Passed
I was allowed to sleep until 8 a.m. until my daughter jumped on me yelling "Happy Birthday Daddy!" with a card she colored. Then we headed to Pasadena for the Art Chalkwalk and classic car show where I stood with some other dads staring at car engines with my arms crossed nodding in agreement about parts I knew nothing about.

Wanted: Anybody Have a Spare Cow?
I'm not sure when it happened, but somehow I can now have small conversations with my daughter (I can't even say how much I love these.) Yesterday:

Daughter: Daddy, I wanna buy cow

Me: A Cow?

Daughter: A COW

Me: Do you have money? You need money to buy a cow. But first you need a job to get money. And you need skills to get a job. Have you put any thought about your skills?

(...pause...)

Daughter: Daddy....I wanna buy bunny rabbit!

Planning The 2nd Birthday Party
My idea for a small birthday party with about 6-8 kids around my daughter's age has been compromised. We've opened it up to family, which pretty much blew away the guest count (darn you family!) Gymboree has a limit on kids (22) and now we're trying to choose between friends or family.
And we can't just invite a few family, because the ones who aren't invited might mail me a horse head.
I'm also considering getting one of those balloon making people (one who doesn't dress as a clown.) But one who might agree to dress as Colonel Sanders (he can make chicken balloon animals...!)