How To Answer The Question “Where Do Babies Come From?

Apparently my explanation to my 4-year old daughter a few weeks ago didn’t resonate completely with her:

“My seed, otherwise know as ‘sperma’ or haploid with 23 chromosomes, and mommy’s egg, also with 23 chromosomes met in the mommy’s womb and formed a diploid cell and after it fertilized a zygote was formed, which is basically a baby, and now you’ll be a big sister in a few months. Now go clean your room, brush your teeth, be nice to mommy, and don’t forget to wash your hands after using the bathroom. I love you.”

Today my daughter told my wife how her baby brother got into her belly:

“You ate a baby seed and now you need to eat healthy food like pizza and blueberries to feed it.”

And then she went onto explain –

“Joe’s mommy’s both have veh-hina’s and was born from both of them at Target.”

And then continued with—

“Can we go see the Chipmunks Squeakquel again?”

To which I jumped in and answered –

“No!!”
One time was more than enough. I still can’t believe how bad that movie was…

Have your kids ever asked you the “Where do babies come from” question? If so, how did you answer?

All Of My Friends Are Having Babies, And They Already Have One

There was a time when the wife and I were married for a few years and would hear things like “When are you having a baby?!”, “Are you pregnant!?”, “Why are you waiting so long?!”, “Why don’t you get a haircut?!”
When we finally did the next thing we heard was “It’s about freakin’ time!”

Really? What time is that? Because the only time I know is “Hammertime”

Then when our daughter was around 6-months-old people (primarily family) started it all over again…
“When are you having ANOTHER baby!?”, “Are you pregnant?!”, “You’re not really a parent until you have, like 6”, “Why don’t you get a haircut!”

What’s wrong with you people?! One is tough enough! Haven’t you heard of college tuition rising faster than inflation and $3,000 Miley Montana concert tickets!?

Good Times.

Somewhere in all that chaos we were fortunate enough to find solace with 2 other couples that, like us, had 1 child (girls) around the same age of ours.

It was awesome.

We did “play dates” with them to all sorts of fun places, even to a few that were still a little “nice” since the kids couldn’t get too out of control because we adults outnumbered them 2 to 1.
“Sit in your seat” They sat
“No, you can’t touch daddy’s liquor. Here drink some milk” And they would listen and drink their milk.
“Sing us some Lionel Richie” And they all sang “Dancing On the Ceiling” in unison.

Oh what a feelin’, when were all 1-child families…

What Happened?

Yes, all was good in the world until about 3 weeks ago when our 1-child "friends" welcomed their 2nd child at virtually the same time.

Oh great! What are we going to do now…?!

I’m happy for them, really I am. But I'd wished they had thought more about my vision of happy 1-child families before going off and having another one.

Sometimes people can be so inconsiderate...

Solution.

So today I've finally come up with a few options to remedy the situation at hand:

1. Have another one so we can join the club.
2. Find new friends with one child.
3. Get a haircut.
4. Ask our current longtime hitched friends with no children, “When are you having a baby?!” “Are you pregnant!?” “Why are you waiting so long!?”

My daughter caught wind of her friends new baby brothers and is now whining at me, saying things like “I want a baby brother like Audrey and Maya!!”

I've told her she could have one only is she promises to feed him, take him for walks, and cleans up after him in the yard.