Tough Love vs. Spanking

Most people think it is improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kid when he has one of those moments.

One that I found effective is for me to just take him for a car ride and talk.

Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, my kid usually calms down and stops misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,
A Friend



Source: I have no idea who wrote this as it was forwarded to me.

How To Get A Princess To Behave

I was chatting with a fellow Dad at my daughter’s preschool about his son’s crazy obsession with Batman. The costume(s), the jumping off sofa and maybe occasional building; the permanent bat cave installation under the dining table, and the special Batman diet of only potato chips and hot dogs.
I told him he had it easy, my daughter is obsessed with Princesses. Which is just like Batman if he wore pink and sang to animals.

I’m not sure exactly when this all happened; maybe sometime around her 2nd birthday when somebody showed her the Cinderella movie for about 5 minutes. That’s when it became her crack.
At times it can be annoying:

“No, mice aren’t going to pick up that mess you’ve made”
“No, that magic wand isn’t going to make that kid playing with your toys disappear”

At times it can be used for my advantage:

“If you don’t behave (holding cell phone to ear) I’m calling Cinderella and she’s going to ask for her stuff back!”

So far, my 3 years of parenting has taught me the "Princess" method sometimes works much better than "time-out" method.
Recently we had the opportunity to see Julie Andrews and a certain Mom asked her if she had any advice for a little Princess.
She did and this is what she said (in her really cool accent):

Princess Rules
A Princess always uses “Please” and “Thank You”
A Princess always thinks of others before herself
A Princess never slouches

Although good, I don’t think there are nearly enough especially for a 3-year old. So I’ve added a few to the list:

Princess Rules (v.2 additions)
A Princesses ALWAYS go poop on the potty.
A Princess NEVER whines.
A Princess NEVER asks, “What are we going to eat?” after leaving a restaurant.
A Princess NEVER watches the Doodlebops, Dora, Yo Gabba Badda, or the new Beverly Hills “90210”

Toddler Swearing – When 'Time Outs' Don’t Work, Send Them To Jail

It’s not as if my 2-year old daughter has been watching Eddie Murphy Raw on late night TV, hanging out at the local Jr. High, or listening to rap music and throwing around F-bombs like Dora and her pet monkey Bubbles.

Nope, she’s been watching DVD’s like Pixar’s “A Bug’s Life”, Disney’s “A Goofy Movie” or a number of the so-called kid friendly movies which happen to use words like “idiot”, “stupid”, “shut-up” and “bad-Ass” in them (actually not the last one, but give Dreamworks some time and I’m sure they make a Quentin Tarantino & George Carlin animated “buddy” movie…)
Who would have thought these movies can cause a toddler to begin spouting off a kid’s version of swearing and use them correctly in context? Not me.

These days when she’s mad, angry, upset, tired, or when gravity doesn’t conform to her will she’ll yell out things like “Stupid (insert person’s or inanimate objects name)!!” or “Shut up, (insert person’s or inanimate objects name)!!”
What a far cry from her original version of swearing just a few months ago -- which was clapping her hands and yelling “HERE! KITTY! KITTY!” followed by a raspberry noise.
Maybe my uncontainable laughter at the act caused her to look for something with more authority?

Nonetheless, this needs to stop. So now I’m upping the ante with some good old fashion discipline to control this and a host of other “terrible two’s” behavior.

The traditional toddler discipline methods:
Time-Out – Which work most of the time, but doesn't quite work outside of the house.
Take-Away – Toys, princesses, crayons, Tupperware, etc.
Spanking – I still can’t do this. I’m not opposed to it and want the option just in case things get really bad, like if she pulled a knife at the ice cream truck.

Now I’m resorting to--
The non-traditional methods:
Jail – This works while in the car. I’ve told her jail is a place where people cry all day, no magic exists, and they play Mike Meyer’s “The Cat in the Hat” all day long (that movie makes her upset and cry.)
Monsters – Usually at night before bedtime I tell her that if she doesn’t behave, monsters will come and eat her legs while she sleeps. And Princesses need legs to be ballerinas.
Evil Bunnies – For some odd reason jackrabbits have started popping up around my neighborhood. I’ve told her that these bunnies can be nice or can chase bad children who don’t listen to their daddy’s.
Upset Princess Call –I pretend I’m talking with Cinderella on the phone and she asks for her Princess clothes and toys back because my daughter has been bad.

She’s been pretty upset with Cinderella these past few days. I just hope she never runs into her at an ice cream truck…

A Message to Toddlers: Nose Picking Is Very Unpatriotic!

Can somebody please tell me why toddlers are so obsessed with picking their nose? Because I’ve been trying to figure it out since my daughter mysteriously figured out she can shove her fingers up there at the most undesirable times, like when I’m eating pea soup or guacamole.

And trust me, this is not good dining entertainment.

So far, I’ve come up with a few theories that might have caused this behavior:

1. She’s watched seniors do it. Which only proves my theory that seniors are bad influences on children!
2. Elmo probably sang about it. That’s what I get for trusting a puppet that speaks about himself in the third person.
3. Rap music. I’m pretty sure they glorify nosepickin’ along with pimpin’.

Now I’m not on a mission to stop this behavior.

The wife has her own methods to stop the digging – which is just to gently move her hand and telling her to stop. I’ve taken it a step further, reinforcing my parenting technique of giving an explanation of consequences along with the discipline.

What to tell a nose picking toddler:

1. If you keep picking your nose, you’ll eventually pick your brain out.
2. Stop picking your nose or nobody will be your friend, even Elmo.
3. Every time you pick your nose, a Fairy dies.
4. Snow White isn’t coming over to play; she doesn’t want your boogers all over her pretty dress.
5. Picking your nose produces harmful emissions that contribute to global warming and rising sea levels that will make millions of polar bears instantly homeless and eventually die. I don’t think you want start kindergarten with that kind of baggage.

And to help the cause, here’s a nose picking coloring page. Because everybody knows kids learn better when they color pictures of animals.

Please Stop Picking Your Nose. I Don’t Want To Die.

And Don’t Forget To Empty The Gas from Mommy’s Minivan.

What? Santa Claus Makes Toddlers Behave And Use The Toilet…

Now that my daughter is nearing 2 1/2, Christmas in her eyes is proving to be very entertaining. The lights, the decorations, the songs, Santa Claus...
At first she was pretty freaked out about the idea of a big guy breaking into the house through the chimney, but now she’s fine with it because he brings presents. When wife sings, “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” she quickly interrupts with “no mommy, he coming to my house…to bring me PRESENTS!!!” (hooray!)

Upon seeing this supernatural influence, I saw a great opportunity to help with the potty training cause. I’ve told her Santa only brings presents on Christmas to big kids that use the potty…and guess what? Every time she sees any Santa, or any mention of him, she wants to use the potty. So far his magical powers seem to be working (hooray!)

Now I’m pushing Santa even more – like when she doesn’t want to sit down at dinner, or when she’s on the verge of a breakdown. I bend down to her level, get in real close, and say in a low serious voice, “Remember (slowly look around.) Santa ‘knows’ if you’re being bad…”
She stops and then her eyes get big (wheels turning), then looks around the area as if he’s hiding behind the sofa or in a parked car outside with binoculars.

I've created this coloring page every time I want her to use the toilet or behave:

"Santa Claus is watching" (coloring page)

I know this influence isn’t going to last forever so I’m taking full advantage... and then I’ll worry about the therapy bills later.

“Stop It! Because I Said So!” And Alternative Forms Of Discipline

Growing up, I would hear lots of “No’s!” without any explanations. I eventually started asking “Why?” but got that classic parent answer “Because I said so!” I hated that.
Now that I’m in the parenting role, I’m taking a different approach - I’m making it a point giving reasons why.
Actual scenarios when my daughter does something she shouldn’t:

Wife: Don’t stand so close to the TV
Me: Move back! If you stand too close your eyes will burn from the radiation, and then you’ll never get into college and become a princess.

Wife: Don’t eat that!
Me: Drop that! It could be bird poop and if you eat it you’ll turn into a bird and then you’ll never be able to eat Chicken nuggets without being called a cannibal. And nobody likes cannibals. Nobody!!

Wife: Don’t pull the dogs' tail
Me: Stop that! He doesn’t like it when you pull his tail. He told me last night after you went to sleep.

Wife: Put that toy back, it’s time to go
Me: That toy has lead in it; if you hold it too long you’ll grow a third arm. And trust me, you’ll have no control over it.

Wife: Get in your car seat so we can go
Me: If you don’t sit in your car seat the police will arrest mommy and then you won’t have a mommy anymore. You do want a mommy, right?

Somehow I can just imagine when she has kids she'll probably tell them "Because I said so!"...